Sleep

Sleep.  It's a four letter word to many parents. (Yes I know it has five letters!) As I'm here writing Little Two is sleeping.   The sweet serenity that is nap time is upon us today.  Often I peak in to watch him and am constantly amazed at how peaceful little ones are while they sleep.   Little One used to sleep with his butt up in the air and knees nicely tucked beneath him or in a little ball on his side, while Little Two likes to sleep all spread out.  Arms stretch as far as possible to either side with his head against one side of the crib while his feet touch the other, blankets snuggled all around and over him ... 

 ... Sleep ... I miss it.  It's not that I don't get to sleep now, but it's that I don't get to sleep when I want to sleep.  In fact, I don't get to do most things when I want.   Instead, my opportunities to get things done during the day or do something I want to do are determined by the two little ones running and crawling around between my legs.    I think that is the hardest thing to adjust during parenthood: Life is not your own.   Life revolves around the needs of my little ones.   I can not go to the store when I prefer.   I can not stay up late, because I can not sleep in.   And it never fails, when I have A LOT to do before a certain time ... they do not sleep.     

As I think about the hardest part of adjusting into parenthood, it is not the lack of sleep (although that is difficult too), but its the forced lifestyle of selflessness.   When we become parents our thoughts are first about our children.   What do they need?  How can I help them?  When do they need to eat or sleep?  What do they like to eat?  We rearrange our schedules for naps, eat meals at absurd times of day.   We cut off crusts of sandwiches, peel the skin off apples, grocery shop at night after they are in bed, and figure out how to do laundry in between naps so they can sleep with their favorite blanket.   All of this is well and good, but I struggle to figure out where myself begins and parenting ends.   As a mom, I am only as good as the person I am outside of my little ones.   My life in many ways revolves around my little ones, but in many other ways it does not.   My mom said it best: "Our little ones are the most welcome guests in our home" ... they do not run the home.    Selflessness is essential in succeeding as parents, but it becomes meaningless when our sanity is not preserved and that requires a little bit of selfishness.